Praise and Worship: Heaven's Song

The MOST beautiful and stirring worship song EVER!  All I can imagine is standing in Heaven, singing, praising, and listening to the throng and multitude erupt with, "Holy Holy Holy..... You alone are worthy..."

This song is what PURE "vertical" worship is all about.  All laud, honor, glory and focus is where it should be... 

Themes and Lessons: Intrinsic Order and the Master Designer

This is going under 'themes and lessons' because it is a recurrent one to be sure...one that I seem to keep gravitating towards, or that keeps gravitating towards me, one of the two.  In fact, gravity is only part of it. *wink*  I am talking about my fascination with the laws of physics, nature, and the entire universe, really.  While I am not a mathematician and cannot express things or prove them with lenghty formulas and equations - I can at the very least grasp the concepts in laymans terms, and even then they are profound enough to completely blow my miniscule mind. 

Galileo Galilei said, "Mathematics is the language with which God has written the universe." 

There is nothing more complete, nothing more beautiful than this.  When God looked at his creation and said "It is good",  He had to have been summizing that not only the ultimate end product ( the creature, the created ) was good, but the whole of everything - the process, the order, the structure, the infinite layers of complexity and balance needed to achieve and sustain life, to procreate life, etc. is also good.  The cosmic ingredients are such that nothing is out of proportion, everything exists in perfect quantity, nothing is askew,  the formula itself equals perfection, which, as it turns out, equals the very nature of God.  He has left his fingerprint and portrait of his perfect divinity for US TO DISCOVER through all he has made.  The more I search, the more awed I become.  There are riches beyond the beyond when one looks deeper into the world around them.   Take something that is beautiful on the surface...and then ask the question, "What makes it so?"   What sorts of hidden structure is there?  Is there symmetry? Is there geometry? Are there patterns visible that can be seen elsewhere, that are demonstratable and repeatable - predictable even?

Why is it that the irrational number Phi ( = 1.618033988749895... )  shows up in mathematics, geometry, nature, cosmology, bilogy, art, music, etc.??  Why can I draw a line and divide it anywhere so that the division of a whole into two parts such that the ratio of the smaller part to the larger is equal to the ratio of the larger part to the whole??? Every time??

What about the nature of fractals?

"Fractals represent a strange marriage between simplicity and complexity. Although they are the product of very complex mathematics and physics-the field of non-linear dynamics-some of their aspects or functions are simple. They can represent infinite complexity using simple operations. (In a way, they are similar to a virus. What a virus does is very basic--changing a genetic code within a cell to produce likenesses of itself--yet the implications of what that can result in, and the biochemical evolution which enables the process, are nearly unfathomable.) Further, the implications that fractals entail are not only derived from the mathematics behind them, but arise from visual considerations as well; fractals are graphic representations of mathematical processes."   - Benoit Baald

When I started experimenting with fractal generation sofware it was all hit and miss and totally random computer algorhythms doing their thing, and me waiting hours and hours for the unknown result.  If i liked it, I kept it, then I edited it.  Well, I have been studying and trying to learn how to make my designs more DELIBERATE and less random.  What I am finding is an infinite realm of possiblity and creative expression beyond anything I have ever beheld.  I have started to recognize themes and patterns and structure manifest that I have seen elsewhere in nature - I have been able to tap into the hidden, the inexpressable, and use the computer as a creative tool to bring it to light.  It is quite literally playing with the, "Aesthetics of the Infinite."   I only wish I had the brain power to understand WHY there is all of this beautiful hidden structure, and how it all works together the way it does -but I just cannot comprehend it, I can only marvel.  Math is simply beautiful in its graphic representation.  Beautiful and perfect in and of itself.  It makes me believe without a shadow of a doubt that math is the language in which God spoke the cosmos into exisitence. It literally fills me to overflowing to think about the designer of the universe - and how infinite and immeasurable He is.   That he would think to leave us all of these profound proofs in the heavens,( the constellations themselves are a beautful prophetic poem) , proofs in nature, proofs in numbers,( order, structure, patterns) , proofs in physics ( even though theoretical physicists still deny Him and have admitted that just when they thought they figured something out, they find a smaller particle, or another unknown that sends their theories packing ) proofs in the laws that govern physics, ( there has to be a law-giver after all ) Proofs in art and sacred geometry, proofs in the ratios and structure of music, proofs in anatomy and biology, the list goes on and on. 

I found it interesting that while quantum physics is still searching for the coined, "God Particle"  ( or infamous Higgs Boson - the elusive particle that mysteriously binds and holds all matter together )   there is someone who states simply that, "I AM"...  He is the self exisitent One, the great Elohim ( in plural form, which is interesting,)

I am not a physicist or a math genius, but here is what I would love to submit to them:

"For by him all things were created; things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things HOLD TOGETHER." Colossians 1:15-17

"Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made."  John 1:3 

I have literally found a new, profound, and deeper meaning in Romans 1:20:

"For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."

(not even you, physicists of the world )

It makes me feel so small, and yet at the same time so priviledged to be able to discover him as an artist and through everything he has made.  It makes me want to use my art as a vehicle to express those hidden things, to stir people, to help them marvel at the works of his hands. 

"Then I was the craftsman( or artist, workman, architect )  at his side. I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence."  Proverbs 8:30

Hallelujah.

Themes and Lessons: As Olive Branches...

Thought I would share a blurb of mine from a discussion group I am involved in, the topic was, in a nutshell,  "Who is Israel?".  Any exchange or comments from you here are welcome.  I have found that many people hold to diverse views here, but I don't think it is all so much to grapple with after really studying the Word. 

Anyway, here is the excerpt:

My name is CJ, and I am a believer in Yeshua ha Mashiach - he is my redeemer and the Lord of my life... I love to study His Word and explore biblical topics in depth, I enjoy word studies, ancient biblical history, I am a forever student of the Hebrew language and have only just scratched the surface of the rich jewels contained within it ( meaning it will probably take me forever to fully grasp the profundity of it, let alone be able to speak and write it the way I would like to )  and yet I find it so far to be one of the most beautiful and profound studies one can undertake.  It has illumined my understanding of Scripture in ways I have not before thought possible...

But anyway - I was especially intrigued by the topic for discussion this week and would like to just throw out some of my random thoughts as well as a book recommendation that I found helpful when I was first exploring the Nation of Israel, the Abrahamic Covenant, and trying to figure out just who and what it is or was, who is the "church", and how do I fit into the picture.??..  At the time I was attending a fellowship of believers that were fundamentally dispensational in their theology -
they believed whole heartedly that the, "church is not Israel and Israel is not the church"  I heard this preached numerous times and marveled at how pinnacle this view was to them. It must have been important, and so like everything I do - compulsion and curiosity led me to start to research different views and I hesitate to even say, different "ism's."  ( I have come to loathe, "ism's" in general but in order to form any basis for conviction in my own heart I have found it necessary to study them, compare them, measure them against scripture, and pray for the Holy Spirit to impart wisdom and illumine me as I go. )

First of all, on dispensationalism - (highlights mine):

"Dispensational theology teaches that there are two distinct peoples of God: Israel and the church. Dispensationalists believe that salvation has always been by faith—in God in the Old Testament and specifically in God the Son in the New Testament. Dispensationalists hold that the church has not replaced Israel in God’s program and the Old Testament promises to Israel have not been transferred to the church. They believe that the promises God made to Israel (for land, many descendants, and blessings) in the Old Testament will be ultimately fulfilled in the 1000-year period spoken of in Revelation chapter 20. Dispensationalists believe that just as God is in this age focusing His attention on the church, He will again in the future focus His attention on Israel (Romans 9-11).
Using this system as a basis, dispensationalists understand the Bible to be organized into seven dispensations: Innocence (Genesis 1:1–3:7), conscience (Genesis 3:8–8:22), human government (Genesis 9:1–11:32), promise (Genesis 12:1–Exodus 19:25), law (Exodus 20:1–Acts 2:4), grace (Acts 2:4–Revelation 20:3), and the millennial kingdom (Revelation 20:4-6). Again, these dispensations are not paths to salvation, but manners in which God relates to man. Dispensationalism, as a system, results in a premillennial interpretation of Christ’s second coming and usually a pretribulational interpretation of the rapture. To summarize, dispensationalism is a theological system that emphasizes the literal interpretation of Bible prophecy, recognizes a clear distinction between Israel and the church, and organizes the Bible into the different dispensations it presents."
I remember approaching my pastor and asking him about "covenant theology"  because after studying God's word for myself, I had found that I was beginning to hold more to this line of thinking - even before I knew there was a real name for it.  He strongly discouraged me from it and warned me of,  "replacement theology" thinking ( church replacing Israel )  and at the time began an intense study with me on the 7 dispensations and even began to preach a series on it from the pulpit. In my heart I was not convinced, and continued to pray and seek and study. One thing baffled me, and that was that I was coming to the conclusion that there was a 3rd way to look at it - and in the most simple terms possible, and clear as day.  I believe that Paul ( Rav Sha'ul) explains it beautifully in Romans 11:13,17,18  using the analogy of the olive branch being "grafted in".  This made sense to me as an adoptee, believe it or not, of having been adopted and assimilated into a new family growing up - I understood what he was saying.  In essence I learned that the two ( Israel and the Church ) are really one, through the grafting in of non-Jewish believers and that spirit of adoption enabling us by faith to cry out, "ABBA, Father".  It helped me to understand the doctrine of grace, and what a precious gift it is to be an adopted heir to the throne, and a partaker of such a rich inheritance.  Never would I think to be so prideful and arrogant as to assume to take over the whole tree( replacement theology )  - Paul addresses that, but I have seen it a tremendous blessing to embrace the "roots" - for they go down deep and are what nourish and sustain the whole tree.

I could go on forever but let me end with a bit on "covenant theology" for anyone who is interested. Again, highlights mine. 

 "Some have accused Covenant Theology as teaching what is called “Replacement Theology” (i.e., the Church replaces Israel). This couldn’t be further from the truth. Unlike Dispensationalism, Covenant Theology does not see a sharp distinction between Israel and the Church. Israel constituted the people of the God in the OT, and the Church (which is made up of Jew and Gentile) constitutes the people of God in the NT; both just make up one people of God (Ephesians 2:11-20). The Church doesn’t replace Israel; the Church is Israel and Israel is the Church (Galatians 6:16). All people who exercise the same faith as Abraham are part of the covenant people of God. (Galatians 3:25-29)."
Suggested reading: "YOUR PEOPLE SHALL BE MY PEOPLE"  by Don Finto

http://www.amazon.com/Your-People-Shall-Be-My/dp/0830726535#reader_0830726535

A wonderful book - Chapters 6 and 7 especially addressing the "Gentilizing" of the church and so on... I thought it was a very insightful and scripturally sound read.  If anyone has read it, I'd be curious to hear your thoughts.

Blessings,
CJ

**Note:  Quotes taken from:    www.gotquestions.org

Praise and Worship: Mighty to Save

"Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me

Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

Take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender...."

Dreams: Guilt and Panic, A Variation on a Theme...

This one once again prompted me to pray for mercy.  To pray for wisdom, clarity, direction and focus. My kids were so heavy on my heart this morning.  I prayed and cried most of the way to work.  Yes, you heard me right, I said that awful 4 letter word, W-O-R-K, and that is of course what half my problem is.  The fact that I carry around enormous amounts of guilt for going back to work, away from my kids for hours every day.  I reasoned that this dream echoed that, and to be honest, I am not sure whether or not this is something I just have to mull around and carry with me - you know, as a consequence to a decision, or if there yet my be some kind of hope offered to me and "another way" available or some other kind of merciful option.  I feel almost guilty for saying that ( goodness, look at all of this guilt ) in light of the fact that working was my decision, and in a way I feel as though I "made my bed" so to speak, and how dare I possibly be looking for a way to have my cake and eat it too, or justify eating cake at all, for that matter.  Am I outside of all bounds, here?  Not sure how to really pray except for acceptance and grace to deal with whatever consequences I have heaped upon myself or my children, and for whatever comes.  Prayers for wisdom and clarity comes into play here as well.  Creative ideas, even - for how to make every moment count, no matter if it is shortened or not.  I cant really think of anything worse ( right  now, in this moment ) than looking back with worlds of regret for wasted time and squandered, selfish living when my kids were still at home.  I know it would simply eat away at me until the day I died.   Not feeling too good about myself today, to be entirely honest.  Feeling pretty weak and weary, pretty frail and vulnerable.  Oh, and did I mention torn, overwhelmed and ashamed? 

On to the dream:

I didn't write this right away so I have lost many of the details.  The details don't matter so much as the accompanying feeling I was left with, I guess.  I have anxiety dreams quite frequently and this was quite similar to others I have had.   My daughters and I were trying to get to some kind of parade.  There was some kind of struggle, and the feeling like we weren't going to make it on time.  We were running all around through crowded streets with marching bands and people - there was confetti and garbage on the ground and we figured we pretty much missed it.  We were trying to "catch" up to where the parade hadn't gone by yet - but really all we were doing is wasting time running in circles, not wanting to admit that the parade was over, and that we had missed it.   All of a sudden I realized that I was late for work.  I never work on Sundays but this time it was mandatory.  More panic feelings thinking about how to get there, and what to do with the girls.  I had a eureka moment - for quite some time I had been wanting to organize a tour for the kids of the place where I work.  I figured since it was Sunday and probably slow and empty, I could bring them along and then if anyone asked I could say that they were with me for a school field trip or job shadow.   We got in the building and there was a coat rack of electrostatic discharge safe smocks.  I helped the girls pick one out - (I remember they were complaining because the sizes were too large and i was "making" them wear it - funny how dreams have humor sometimes, it was just like real life! )   A smock has to be worn around sensitive electronic devices, and in order to get to my office, you have to walk through an ESD controlled area.  

Fast forward to my office.   I was going to have them do some computer tutorials on electronic components, something I thought they would enjoy, while I went to my desk to get some work done.  I was reasoning that I COULD EFFECTIVELY DO BOTH - mother, teach and train my kids while meeting the demands waiting for me on my desk...  Just then the HR manager busts in with a new coworker who I wasn't expecting.  She needed me to to train her, and I needed the computer my daughters were on to do it. So I told them to move because the new coworker needed the space to work.  I was panicking for what to do to entertain my girls next.  I all of a sudden had huge piles of stuff show up on my desk  - stuff for me to conquer and the girls were looking bored and out of place...  I had them move off to the side a bit and told them to wait there for a moment.  Then my door opened and my coworker Dawn came in . She wasn't happy with me and told me we had to do a better job of working together to tackle the workload. She was going on and on and I was feeling overwhelmed because I just didn't need to hear it right then.   The girls were pushed further away from me and what was happening.  I still knew they were there, though,  and I was really starting to panic inside. Just real extreme anxiety and distraction - thinking I would get in trouble for having them there and what was I going to do to keep them occupied, and feeling really guilty for pushing them off to the side like that.  Finally, and this is just insane, but it has happened to me before in real life - the door opens and it is the marketing manager with a tour of prospective customers coming in to visit the training lab and department.  They usually ask lot of questions, put me on the spot, and I always have anxiety about it for fear of saying something stupid on front of them and not representing our company the way I should... I remember thinking how on earth were all of these people going to fit in my office and why did they just keep coming and coming like that - one distraction after another, one more stressor after another, things were just getting more and more out of control and unmanageable.  I was about ready to have a meltdown - cause now I couldn't even see the girls in the crowd, I knew they were way in back - I knew they were waiting for me,  and there I was,  too busy to get to them. 

Talk about a terrible feeling when I woke up and had to get ready for work.


Whoever ends up reading this, please just say a little prayer for me that I would pour forth my efforts and energy into my kids instead of my work, and if it is possible, and the will of Yahweh, a way can be made for me to at the very least work from home... If not, then that I would be able to balance and attend and nurture and maximize and sustain and redeem the time when I have the time - so that I can look back and know that I did my best despite the circumstances.

Ephesians 5:15-16:  "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, ¹⁶ redeeming the time, because the days are evil."

Barnes's Commentary on this verse was especially interesting, so I will include it:


Redeeming the time - The word rendered here as "redeeming," means "to purchase; to buy up" from the possession or power of anyone; and then to redeem, to set free - as from service or bondage; notes, Galatians 3:13. Here it means, to rescue or recover our time from waste; to improve it for great and important purposes.
Because the days are evil - Because the times in which you live are evil. There are many allurements and temptations that would lead you away from the proper improvement of time, and that would draw you into sin. Such were those that would tempt them to go to places of sinful indulgence and revelry where their time would be wasted, and worse than wasted. As these temptations abounded, they ought therefore to be more especially on their guard against a sinful and unprofitable waste of time. This exhortation may be addressed to all, and is applicable to all periods. The sentiment is, that we ought to be solicitous to improve our time to some useful purpose, because "there are, in an evil world, so many temptations to waste it." Time is given us for most valuable purposes. There are things enough to be done to occupy it all, and no one need have it hang heavy on his hands. He that has a soul to be saved from eternal death, need not have one idle moment. He that has a heaven to win, has enough to do to occupy all his time. Man has just enough given him to accomplish all the purposes which God designs, and God has not given him more than enough. They redeem their time who employ it:
(1) in gaining useful knowledge;
(2) in doing good to others;
(3) in employing it for the purpose of an honest livelihood for themselves and families;
(4) in prayer and self-examination to make the heart better;
(5) in seeking salvation, and in endeavoring to do the will of God.
They are to redeem time from all that would waste and destroy it - like recovering marshes and fens to make them rich meadows and vineyards. There is time enough wasted by each sinner to secure the salvation of the soul; time enough wasted to do all that is needful to be done to spread religion around the world, and to save the race. We should still endeavor to redeem our time for the same reasons which are suggested by the apostle - because the days are evil. There are evil influences abroad; allurements and vices that would waste time, and from which we should endeavor to rescue it. There are evil influences tending to waste time:
(1) in the allurements to pleasure and amusement in every place, and especially in cities;
(2) in the temptations to novel-reading, consuming the precious hours of probation to no valuable purpose;
(3) in the temptations of ambition, most of the time spent for which is wholly thrown away, for few gain the prize, and when gained, it is all a bauble, not worth the effort;
(4) in dissipation - for who can estimate the amount of valuable time that is worse than thrown away in the places of revelry and dissipation;
(5) in wild and visionary plans - temptations to which abound in all lands, and pre-eminently in our own;
(6) and in luxurious indulgence - in dressing, and eating, and drinking.

---

Dreams: Trapped Underwater

probably one of the more terrifying ones I have had in awhile. This was written at about a quarter to 6 this morning - while I was still half asleep, and still pretty shaken. Please ignore typos and grammar mistakes - I wrote it as I tried to recall it. The details were all still pretty crisp, it amazes me how vividly I dream, honestly it felt like I was really there - details and especially emotions - heavy and deep, and plain as day... I like to record my dreams and look for themes. Sometimes it helps me work through issues or recognize things going on in my life. This one was pretty perilous, with strong thematic elements...

I was riding in some kind of bus.  I think it was a school bus.  I had Asher and Sierra with me. Suddenly we were driving in some really rough weather - along a road surrounded by water on both sides.  It resembled the highway in Tampa that spans a part of the gulf waters to St. Petersburg.  Water on both sides. I looked out the windows and i could see enormous waves billowing about.  No sooner than i did that did I spot a huge rolling wave coming in at an angle from the left - i knew it was going to wash over the road where we were and possibly wisk the bus away.  the bus ended up riding the wave, somewhat like a boat adn we went up up up then down down down  - kind of felt like riding a roller coaster - that feeling of falling.  i remember noticing how high up we were, just like a roller coaster and then the feeling of terror when you are about to descend.  at that point I looked at teh bus window - i was contemplating opening it up, right then, to make it easier to get out later if we ended up being trapped underwater.  then I realized the moment I did, water would come gushing in and i was concerned for the lives and comfort level of others - i realized it would have to be a joint decision to start opening anything, so i waited.  Another huge wave came like the first - we rode it out up then whooshing down again with that terrible sick dropping feeling.  that wave was worst than the last.  I was still sitting in my seat.  sierra was next to me and asher was up a the front of the bus.  I knew there was nothing we could do but start to pray at that point.  so I raised my hands - people were talking there was a small bit of commotion  - i remember felling like my praying was disruptive or competing with whatever else was going on - but I prayed these words or something similiar -  “Father God, Sweet Lord in Heaven, we emplore you to keep us safe - there is so much life left to live, Lord, there is so much left for us to do for you, we are not ready yet - surround us with your spirit of protection, be with us now”   i then remember thinking about how the rest of my family would ever know what happened to me - it appears as though we were on some kind of vacation and if I turned up missing how would they ever know what happened to me or find my body.  Just then another massive wave i could see it approaching - i filled with dread because i knew this one was the biggest of all - it towered.  The bus rode the wave up, then then we took a nose dive straight into the sea.  People screamed.  I was thinking “this is it”   the windows were holding and yet we were under water.  It felt like we would float back up to the top and then be able to escape.  that did not ultimately happen.  We slowly bottomed out and were now sitting on the ocean floor.  inside i was starting to panic - i was wondering how on earth would I hold my breath that long - i went to the front of the bus where the larger windows were and i began to assess everything.  I figured there was enough air left in the bus for the moment - and for a few minutes everyone was very quiet, very sober.  I looked out the window and could see the water swirling around and looked up and could see waves breaking on the surface.  I could see throngs of people “walking” in watery slow motion on the ocean floor, almost like ghosts or zombies - they werent going any where, they werent going up - just roaming around.  one group of people passed by me and it was a family  - the mother and the older children had there arms under what I presume was their father - they were propping him up and kind of dragging him under his arms.  His jaw was slack an his eyes were closed and i knew by looking at him that he had drowned.  where where they going with him?  I wondered... Behind me from the bus somewhere i heard men talking - take charge men who were analyzing things, the same as me - a survival plan - one of them said to look carefully - there were only 9 or ten feet from the top of the bus left to kick before one would reach the surface.  another guy said once you are out you will just shoot up to the top effortlessly, and to hold your breath, you would be just fine.  I kept thinking in my head, “yes, but then what?” how far are we from shore? how raging and wild is it up there?  what will we grab on to?  how could we possibly swim to shore without getting swept away?   How would I make sure my kids were near me and how could i keep them afloat - non of them are very strong swimmers.  For now, it seemed like the safest place in the world to be was trapped in that bus on limited air supply.  I knew time was short in that bus and that I, along with everyone else, had to start making some huge decisions.  When were we going to open those windows or those doors.  I heard the busdriver basically in a defensive argument saying he wasnt responsible in any way for a solution or for what had happened.  He was just a driver with such and such a company - he seemed helpless and lost and people seemed to be trying to blame him or demand answers from him.  I was feeling fear - but a very controlled sense of fear like what to to next and next and next - very calculated.  I was trying to think of a plan for how we were going to survive.  I was going to gather my children and talk about what we were about to do, I was going to pray with them, hold them say our goodbyes and then I planned on braving it and getting out of that bus and kicking for or lives.  I was so worried that the kids would run out of air or that I would lose them.  I remember praising god that savannah was not there but was somewhere safe.  I felt that everythinf was up tp me at that point  so I went up to Asher and I said “asher, come here.”  very firmly, very seriously.  Then i looked at the boys face and I realized it wasnt asher.  He had wide innocent eyes that pleaded with me.  He looked up at me and said “but im important, too”   it about broke my heart - I said yes, but you need to go find your family because you are very important to them - but he wouldnt leave me. I felt terrible for almost ordereing him away but i was thinking about my own kids at the moment.  I found the real asher horsing around climbing on some seats and said again, “asher, come here.”   Then I looked at sierra and said the same thing very seriously, very urgently  “sierra, come here”.  my heart was racing - i wanted to scream and cry and lose it but i couldnt in front of them. I was so scared for what had to be done - and that was put my kids into that water and instruct them to stay close to me and kick - just like the guys does in Titanic.  it was the heaviest, panickiest feeling ever - i had such dread, i knew it would be the end and we would most likely not survive - I was mourning, I was heaving inside - i felt like i was going to lose my children in that raging sea. I feared what awaited us on the surface - my mind was racing as fast as could be and i had them both near me - they seemed concerned but distracted and not really sensing the weight of what was going on.  Then just as i was about to speak to them my eyes opened up suddenly and i realized it was a dream - i praised God over and over for it just being a dream -It was such a relief to be awake -  i layed there and let my heart continue to race - and feel those same feelings of fear and mourning, and loss and dread  - it was one of the most intense dreams I have ever had.   This one will definitely linger and I will probably hash and rehash it to the core - looking for themes.  What on earth is this dream telling me - should I even be looking?  I immediately felt compelled to pray for my children. and pray hard...  so many things here.. so much to think about.  Not sure what it all means. 

Job 33:14-18:

¹⁴ For God may speak in one way, or in another,
      Yet man does not perceive it.
 ¹⁵ In a dream, in a vision of the night,
      When deep sleep falls upon men,
      While slumbering on their beds,
 ¹⁶ Then He opens the ears of men,
      And seals their instruction.
 ¹⁷ In order to turn man from his deed,
      And conceal pride from man,
 ¹⁸ He keeps back his soul from the Pit,
      And his life from perishing by the sword.

Supplication: My Children

Thank you Father for the gift of motherhood.  Thank you for blessing me with 3 precious lives - to care for, to nurture, to train, to prepare, to teach, to encourage, to discipline, to pray for...

Lord, continue to lead me and equip me.  Give me the wisdom I need when I don't know what to do, or how to handle a situation. Help me to balance compassion and tough love when I need to- help me to set boundaries and stick to them, give my kids the desire to do right and stay within them - forgive me for the times when I have led by a poor example, when my own selfishness and rebellion have set the standard. Forgive me for modeling behaviors that are now mimicked... Help me redeem the time I have left with my children and help us to maximize moments the best we can.   Help me to better provide structure and organization for them.   Help us all to work diligently in our studies, and keep us in your Word  - Help us shirk distractions that keep us from our devotions, and help me to teach them to say no to those impulses that war for our attention... Help me prepare them for the world by not glorifying or idealizing what it offers... Help me to know how much and how soon - they are curiously looking over the precipice, walking the line sometimes, Lord - it scares me to think of what would happen should they jump or cross it - I just pray your spirit of protection over all of them - keep them safe, remind them of your presence when they are tempted to wander or disobey, provide opportunities for them to grow and serve you... I pray for the upcoming mission trip that you would continue to stir their hearts there, and that their desire to go would not only be a social one but stem from a real want to serve you and to help the homeless and the needy... continue to reveal yourself to them.. move in them, work in them - give them the right appetites - help them to stand strong for you when challenged or tempted, give them opportunities to shine your light and make a difference, give them a heart for the lost - help them to discern your voice and to learn how to listen to it - how to respond to your promptings...  Lord, the tug of the world is everywhere.  Help me to be a better example for them.  They are so vulnerable right now, like little sponges with wide eyes  - wanting to soak it all in  - guard their eyes, their ears, their minds, their lips, hide them in the shadow of your wing and keep them close to you.  Give me ideas, creative ideas of how to talk about tough issues, how to communicate important truths  - bind us all together Lord, keep us all close to you - In the precious name of Yeshua Ha- Mashiach - AMEN.